#projectC61920 Day 5: Social Character

#projectC61920 Day 5: Social Character

So what is social character? For our purposes here, social character will be defined as the way we are to conduct our relationships and interactions with all different kinds of people in our lives. This includes family, friends, random people that we meet, and even social networking.

The key thing to remember about any relationship: boundaries.

Yes, every healthy relationship has boundaries. And I do mean every relationship. Friends, family, even your marriage relationship should have boundaries. Now, I'm not necessarily implying that there are things you keep from your spouse, but more that there need to be agreed upon limits of interaction. 

Perhaps I should back up a step and address the most important relationship in anyone's life; that of our relationship with Christ. While there's nothing we can keep from Christ, there is much He can keep from us. This is because while He is called the "friend that sticks closer than a brother", He is also One with the Father, and a father-child relationship is agreeably different that a friend-friend relationship. There's not always time to explain every instruction we give to our children and it's often a good lesson in trust and obedience for the child to simply obey. So just as we "keep things" from our children, we can expect that our limited understanding puts us in a position where obedience is not only crucial, but beneficial.

But what about marital boundaries? Should there be boundaries in a marriage? Well, the short answer (as stated above) is yes. Though it is obvious that those boundaries are more liberal that those we set in other relationships, we must have boundaries nonetheless. Some of these boundaries should include:

1.     Never, never speaking unkindly about your spouse to anyone, ever. Your words are powerful, and the power they have on your spouse is ten times more than that of anyone else. If you’ve spoken unkindly, apologize and commit to never doing it again. Kill that bad habit immediately. One way to do that is to purposefully and proactively speak kindly to your spouse, instead of simply not saying anything at all.

2.     We must not allow others to speak unkindly about our spouses. This can be dealt with by a simple "please don't talk about my husband/wife that way", but if it cannot, the relationship with the one doing the insulting probably just got a new, more restrictive boundary of its own. There’s no friendship you shouldn’t be prepared to lose in order to preserve your marriage relationship.

3.     Secrets. Simple: don’t have them. If it’s anything more than what you’re buying them for their next birthday, be open and forthcoming with your spouse. Is there any reason your spouse really shouldn’t have the passwords to your Email, Facebook, or fantasy football webpage? I personally cannot find a reason. If your spouse is a snoop and always rifling through your Emails or Facebook posts, talk them him/her about it. But do not restrict their access as a means of dealing with that issue.

4.     Changing your spouse. Only God can change people. We can’t even change ourselves, so why would we even try to change someone else? If you believe your spouse has a true character flaw, odds are you’re probably right. But guess what: we all do. Pray sincerely that God would first make you into the person He wants you to be, then pray the same thing for your spouse. Don’t try to recreate your spouse in your own image…that’s God’s job.

5.     Abuse. This should go without saying, but whether it be physical, emotional, mental, or sexual, abuse has absolutely no place in any relationship, but certainly the highest human relationship you’ll ever have. Your spouse needs to trust you with their safety in all these areas. If you are abusive or even manipulative, you are breaking that trust and poisoning your marriage.

This is by no means a complete list, but it is a focal start.

In future Social posts, I’ll cover family, friends, and social networking. For now, let’s prioritize our focus on our marriages. And, if you’re not married yet, begin practicing these disciplines in your dating life, as appropriate.

So let’s resolve together to observe these things over the course of the project. Don’t forget to keep up with your previous commitments as well!

#walkwithme